You know you're a mom when...

You're baking your own birthday cake.  Don't get me wrong this isn't a pity party - I enjoy the fact that most recently my mom's night out has been to a wilton's cake decorating class, the basic type. It's been great to have a creative time out since I stay at home with my son. This morning I was chuckling to myself about how much my life has changed...trying to select ingredients to bake my own cake.

I was a high school teacher before I decided to stay at home, well, really I was pushed out of the professional nest...when I lost my job at 9 months pregnant.  But it was the push I needed - I was too afraid to stay home because of the money but also because I was afraid I'd go insane. I'm on the border of insanity most days though I like to think that 9 months in -  I have a better balance -  and the money, well it's not worth the time away from my boy.

With that said there are sacrifices that have to be made when you're making it work on one salary....birthdays, baby showers, holidays, graduations all become and awkward dance when you don't have the money in your monthly budget to be dishing out presents to your loved ones.  This summer feels especially tight as we are trying to get into a place to call our own home. There are parts of me that long for my 23 year old birthday days where I would go all out on the personal grooming: new hair cut, mani-pedi, brow wax, definitely a new outfit and then out to dinner and drinks, probably dancing too without a care about the cost because, afterall it's my birthday. The thing about that is once that day is over - it all feels a bit empty.

This year I think I'll take the short drive to the beach with my favorite boys and eat a  slice of that cake in the sand. No candles or balloons needed, just the two greatest gifts in my life.