The Parent Perspective: Home Buying

It's funny how a baby changes your perspective in life on just about everything. I remember after CC was born it was as though I was looking through a brand new lens. This lens is a beautiful gift and it also complicates things on occassion.

My husband and I have been in and out of the home-buying market for three years. 1,095 days later, yep we're still 1st time homebuyers. The struggle is to stay in the bay area where our heart is though from time to time our minds have wandered to our hometown near Sacramento and at one point wandered 1300 miles to a suburb of Denver. Come to think of it, we almost were Colorado residents but something in my gutt felt wrong, REALLY wrong. My husband was heartbroken...needless to say we weren't speaking in the airport on the way home. But a strong marriage survives and learns from such squabbles...I'm told it even survives buying your first home. (Heck, we survived the birth of our first baby and almost 3 months of his unknown dairy allergy so I'm confident we'll be just fine :-) Needless to say, we're exhausted and trying to stay hopeful.

Prior to having a baby we may have purchased property in a less than "safe area" or new construction in a high traffic neighborhood. Now when we're looking at property if I'm clutching my baby close, I know we're in the wrong place. Recently we were in a peninsula neighborhood I was questioning only to, minutes later, witness a drug deal 50 feet from us. That was it for me...on to the next idea.

The bay area is where we've resided for more than a decade after leaving the small town where we grew up to attend college (my husband is pushing 15 years but he's older than me, wink wink) and for better and for worse it's our home. We've also made the decision that I will stay home for the next couple of years to raise CC and a future baby #2 and therefore our purchase price is limited by our one income. In many neighborhoods this puts us on the price border of a townhome or a single family home...thus a big part of our delimna. Many of the townhomes are newer and need less work, tend to have more square footage than the tiny sfh we can afford and sometimes offer amenities such as a pool, playground, and regulations to keep your neighborhood looking well-kept. BUT, there's also that pesky HOA fee, regulations on what you can paint and how you can remodel, not to mention the close proximity of your neighbors.  The sfh we're able to purchase are SUPER tiny but do offer a garage and a yard (even if it's an amazon at the time of purchase).

Our latest search has lead us to the Willow Glen and Cambrian areas of San Jose. We'd love any feedback you may have, email us at SFPeninsulaParent@gmail.com

Ready to Pop?

When  you're prego and close to your due date you feel like you could "pop" any minute...but that's not the kind of "POP" I'm talking about. I'm more so I'm referring to the kind where you're not going to be able to hold your tongue for two more minutes because a well-intentioned relative (let's call them an "outlaw") is all up your nostrils. For an extravert preggie this kind of attention may only be mildly annoying, but for an intravert like me it's a total invasion of space and my "peaceful zone". I was especially protective of my space before my baby, CC, was born as I did not want him to come home to 1050 square feet of chaos.  The truth is that there are several sets of feelings to consider here, including the well-intentioned outlaw. I say put that outlaw in charge of meals for the first couple of weeks after the birth of your baby. Does this mean you have to see the outlaw every day (even multiple times a day?) NO.  After your baby is born, unless you have a sleepy perfect angel baby that people sometimes whisper about, you will barely have time to think much less make a meal for yourself.  It can be a good break from the household for one parent to go pick up food but that gets tiring quick.  Have your outlaw be the "meals coordinator". 

Meals Coordinator

Many people will offer to drop off a meal, not just family and friends but co-workers and neighbors alike. TAKE THEM UP ON IT! A due date is a moving target so you can't really make too many plans until after the baby is born - it is then that you know what day you'll be leaving the hospital and when you'll start needing meals. Your newly appointed coordinator can rally the troops and work with them to find a good day/time to drop off a meal. If the coordinator is computer savvy, email is a great tool or they can create a google calendar that all contributors can view.

Meal Drop-Off

When you have a baby you're not always in a good space for company...this ranges from I'm so sleep deprived that I'm going to fall asleep here on the couch while you're talking because I'm too afraid to say I need to go back to bed, and I'm breastfeeding and my milk is all over my shirt, to my baby continues to projectile vomit everywhere.  People will understand if you need time to recooperate but you have to be honest with where you're at. One family I know left an ice chest on their porch so that people could drop off meals without disturbing them or their sleeping baby. My advice is to tell local visitors to expect to stay about 20 minutes...that may seem extreme but right after birth, let me tell you , the most important thing for a new mom is REST so your body can heal (and produce milk if you choose to breastfeed/pump). Can you really REST with people in your house? :-)

This Week so far...

This week we've had a bit more on the social calendar than usual...

Tuesday CC and I met my cousin and her little girl at the SF Academy of Sciences. LOVED, LOVED seeing my favorite fellow mom and exploring new ideas/animals/architecture.  As I was rushing to get out the door I forgot my camera and my jacket so needless to say I was bummed and cold (at least while outside).

A couple of my favorite things were the penguin feeding where afterwards the kiddos really responded to the penguins swimming right up to their noses, the crazy looking albino alligator, and the nightlight fish (their eyes light up like fireflies in the depths of the ocean....also where Charlie fell asleep, no coincidence I'm sure!)

The 4 Story Rain Forest exhibit is pretty cool too and hello - is hot and humid like the real thing! I loved watching a butterfly land right on Charlie and seeing him just look down like it was no big thang.

Watch the penguins live here on their penguin cam

Yesterday I went back to the high school where I taught after almost a year. I did get nervous about any possible confrontations with a range of characters but it went off without a hitch. I was glad to visit and I knew in my heart I was over the teaching tangle because it no longer felt like "my work"...just a place I used to know....my girlfriends' work. I was surprising unemotional and even caught a glimpse in passing of my old room which looks completely different. (Of course it wouldn't be as cute/cool as the way I arranged it!) It wasn't until my girlfriend and I went downtown and ran into a former student that my heart felt a big surge. She was a student in turmoil, talented but extremely insecure, rocky home and heartbroken. Her life has turned around, she just got accepted to the school paper and I was so proud that I couldn't help the tears. I'm proud of the work I used to do and the relationships I built but my life is headed in a new direction and I feel good about it.

Mom Time

Mom Time - It's difficult to find when your baby is still breastfeeding...I swear the next one will take a bottle....arrrrg. Yesterday I got out for lunch with my girlfriend Erin and it's amazing what a little time out can do for you...especially when you indulge in a yummy margarita :-)  We had so much fun and I was gone for 2 hours without a peep from the boys which is the longest I've been out without them. I got home to find CC asleep - but not as I had left him. He had woken up from his nap (too early) Jose had fed him in his high chair and put him back to sleep without having to call me....talk about sexy :-) LOL

I'm signing up for a new cake decorating class in May and I'm hoping it will be a good "regular" night out for me in the evenings. I'll post pics of the products - whether they be rookie masterpieces or disasters. Lord knows I can't cook but I can sort of bake :-) My cousins have been doing this for awhile so they would whoop my bootie.