The Parent Perspective: Home Buying

It's funny how a baby changes your perspective in life on just about everything. I remember after CC was born it was as though I was looking through a brand new lens. This lens is a beautiful gift and it also complicates things on occassion.

My husband and I have been in and out of the home-buying market for three years. 1,095 days later, yep we're still 1st time homebuyers. The struggle is to stay in the bay area where our heart is though from time to time our minds have wandered to our hometown near Sacramento and at one point wandered 1300 miles to a suburb of Denver. Come to think of it, we almost were Colorado residents but something in my gutt felt wrong, REALLY wrong. My husband was heartbroken...needless to say we weren't speaking in the airport on the way home. But a strong marriage survives and learns from such squabbles...I'm told it even survives buying your first home. (Heck, we survived the birth of our first baby and almost 3 months of his unknown dairy allergy so I'm confident we'll be just fine :-) Needless to say, we're exhausted and trying to stay hopeful.

Prior to having a baby we may have purchased property in a less than "safe area" or new construction in a high traffic neighborhood. Now when we're looking at property if I'm clutching my baby close, I know we're in the wrong place. Recently we were in a peninsula neighborhood I was questioning only to, minutes later, witness a drug deal 50 feet from us. That was it for me...on to the next idea.

The bay area is where we've resided for more than a decade after leaving the small town where we grew up to attend college (my husband is pushing 15 years but he's older than me, wink wink) and for better and for worse it's our home. We've also made the decision that I will stay home for the next couple of years to raise CC and a future baby #2 and therefore our purchase price is limited by our one income. In many neighborhoods this puts us on the price border of a townhome or a single family home...thus a big part of our delimna. Many of the townhomes are newer and need less work, tend to have more square footage than the tiny sfh we can afford and sometimes offer amenities such as a pool, playground, and regulations to keep your neighborhood looking well-kept. BUT, there's also that pesky HOA fee, regulations on what you can paint and how you can remodel, not to mention the close proximity of your neighbors.  The sfh we're able to purchase are SUPER tiny but do offer a garage and a yard (even if it's an amazon at the time of purchase).

Our latest search has lead us to the Willow Glen and Cambrian areas of San Jose. We'd love any feedback you may have, email us at SFPeninsulaParent@gmail.com

Ready to Pop?

When  you're prego and close to your due date you feel like you could "pop" any minute...but that's not the kind of "POP" I'm talking about. I'm more so I'm referring to the kind where you're not going to be able to hold your tongue for two more minutes because a well-intentioned relative (let's call them an "outlaw") is all up your nostrils. For an extravert preggie this kind of attention may only be mildly annoying, but for an intravert like me it's a total invasion of space and my "peaceful zone". I was especially protective of my space before my baby, CC, was born as I did not want him to come home to 1050 square feet of chaos.  The truth is that there are several sets of feelings to consider here, including the well-intentioned outlaw. I say put that outlaw in charge of meals for the first couple of weeks after the birth of your baby. Does this mean you have to see the outlaw every day (even multiple times a day?) NO.  After your baby is born, unless you have a sleepy perfect angel baby that people sometimes whisper about, you will barely have time to think much less make a meal for yourself.  It can be a good break from the household for one parent to go pick up food but that gets tiring quick.  Have your outlaw be the "meals coordinator". 

Meals Coordinator

Many people will offer to drop off a meal, not just family and friends but co-workers and neighbors alike. TAKE THEM UP ON IT! A due date is a moving target so you can't really make too many plans until after the baby is born - it is then that you know what day you'll be leaving the hospital and when you'll start needing meals. Your newly appointed coordinator can rally the troops and work with them to find a good day/time to drop off a meal. If the coordinator is computer savvy, email is a great tool or they can create a google calendar that all contributors can view.

Meal Drop-Off

When you have a baby you're not always in a good space for company...this ranges from I'm so sleep deprived that I'm going to fall asleep here on the couch while you're talking because I'm too afraid to say I need to go back to bed, and I'm breastfeeding and my milk is all over my shirt, to my baby continues to projectile vomit everywhere.  People will understand if you need time to recooperate but you have to be honest with where you're at. One family I know left an ice chest on their porch so that people could drop off meals without disturbing them or their sleeping baby. My advice is to tell local visitors to expect to stay about 20 minutes...that may seem extreme but right after birth, let me tell you , the most important thing for a new mom is REST so your body can heal (and produce milk if you choose to breastfeed/pump). Can you really REST with people in your house? :-)

Pre-Birth To Do List

So I have three girlfriends due in a span of three weeks this summer...I can't believe it!  They've all gone through their preparation routines and then asked me if they were missing anything. I found this list in the format of an email to my husband J about a month before my baby was born. My girlfirends thought it was super helpful....

J: email the HR person who works with the medical insurance about our hospital/OB/medication costs 

Have Resources on hand:
_Bookmark helpful internet sites - American Academy of Pediatrics, Dr. Sears, Dr. Spock
_Post phone numbers of "help lines" both day time (ob, lpch) and 24 hr numbers, put  family and friend numbers on white board for hubbie and other helpers
_Baby states of consciousness info - quiet alert state etc.
_Create flexible birth plan to give to nurses/doc at hospital http://www.babycenter.com/calculators-birthplan
_Create phone list for when CC is born / email list for initial photos  etc. www.callingpost.com  *Babe I need the numbers you want for our acct on website and read the instructions so you can leave the initial "he's here" message
_Legal guardian, will paperwork
_College fund set up
_Get Car Seat Inspected @ LPCH, I need you there to watch it be installed correctly
_Hospital Tour
_Hospital Tour Pre-Admit Paperwork

_Set up breast pump and sterilize parts for use - read directions
_Call nursing mother's counsel to have a counselor assigned in advance http://www.nursingmothers.org/  or La Leche League http://www.llli.org/Web/California.html
_Finish nursery setup - bedding & move crib, toy org, diaper station, bath station ready.

_Nursing station set up at rocking chair: snacks, bottled waters, breast shields, garbage can, clean towels
_Relocate book shelf & teaching materials, file paperwork and build 2nd file cabinet.
_Find/Interview Pediatrician

Shopping:
_Circumcision care: gauze pads and vaseline
_rubbing alcohol and cotton balls
_grooming kit with baby brush/nail clippers or file, etc.
_Medical kit: thermometer, infant tylenol, pedialyte
_Peanut shell sling for home use
_Hospital bag: night light, snacks for j, lavender oil smell stuff, birth ball


Questions for the OB:
_When do you reccommend supplementing formula for breastmilk?
_What % weight loss is considered "normal"? (10%?)
_Circumstances for a c-section
_Alternate pushing positions - do I have to be on my back for you to "catch" the baby?

Another Pregnant Day

Yesterday we had "fake labor" from about 9:45-2:00ish and I was ready to run a mile grandpa-style if it would have kept it going. It left me exhausted and I just hope that somehow this is helping the actual process along and isn't just discomfort torture.

J is working from home today so that helps me relax just knowing that he's in the other room and I can yell out funny comments - not so lonely during the day.

:-) Prayin' for action over here

Labor & Delivery Phone Msg

J and I are signing up for a service called "Calling Post" in which we dial in and leave a message with information on CC's arrival and the automated service dials each of you and plays the message for us.  It shows up on called ID as "Calling Post" and I believe it has a 408 (san jose) area code prefix on the #, just in case you are screening calls, it will leave a voice mail.

Please be patient with return calls - of course we are going to love to hear from everyone but we will have our hands and hearts full.

High School Teacher vs. Domestic CEO

Ahhh... today is the first day back at work for my teacher friends.  Well...let's get serious, most of them have ALREADY been working for awhile, but today it's official and I have to admit that I miss it.  Well...not the job or the administration crap per se, but the people.  I miss my teacher friends, talking about all the worldy events from  Darfur to Britney Spears. I miss laughing about ridiculous things like "WAD" and "Chilpanchango", talking with a hamburger hand...  Most of all I miss my students.  I swear to god they have already grown even more over the summer - which I have really only been able to witness from my teacher facebook.  Every summer since college I have felt a lack of purpose without teaching - without knowing I was making a difference.  I know that very, very soon, I will be making a difference in my own son's life and CC, I can hardly wait to hold you (minus all that labor stuff). I feel very, very fortunate to have this time with my husband and baby at home, I know it will be the greatest gift.  In the meantime, with waiting, I think it's okay to miss my old teaching job.

Room 403 - You will be missed.

Fake Labor is the ENEMY

Yesterday we had Braxton Hicks...big time and yet when we went to the doc today- no progress. It doesn't mean much, we could go into labor any time regardless of progress but still, a little dilation for so much discomfort please folks!!! J worked from home today though so that was a little bonus. More updates to come soon!

No News - 17 Days to Go...

No Baby news at this house...although I would swear up and down multiple nights that SOMETHING must be happening because I've felt so out of it - No such luck.  We went to the OB last Monday and there was no change - we go back tomorrow but I'm not getting my hopes up this time....arrrrg.

J and I are embracing the opportunity for more time together and went to the Burlingame Art & Wine Festival yesterday.  Lots of walking around (hopefully gravity will do it's thang) and good shopping.  Later we went out to our favorite Adult resturant, Kingfish and it was delicious! 

Cook, Who Me?

Anyone with simple recipes, send them on over.  It's no secret I can't cook and after a long day yesterday at the OB, grocery store (I hate hunting for products I've never used before and that seem to be place on illogical aisles), girlfriend drama, kitchen clean out, and a too-short nap I started making  dinner....

Trying a new (new to me but really family recipe) trying to impress my husband only to find out he doesn't like meatloaf!

Check with hubbie first...lesson learned.

3 Weeks 3 Days to go :-)

My pre-natal fitness instructor keeps reminding us that a due date is not an "expiration date" and that around 40% of women or so actually deliver AFTER their due date....well that sucks. I'm hearing the message though.  3 weeks or so to go and I'm feeling pretty good about it.  J is home without any more travel until the baby and I can't explain how much of an emotional relief that is for me.  He's excited and ready for the baby to come TODAY.  I'm pretty even keel trying to prepare myself for the road to be a little longer but also nesting like crazy.  I'm in the phase of making a larger mess to get organized because I can't just shove things in my closet now that my baby is coming! I have to clean that closet out! Thus the re-org is everywhere. CC's room though is organized perfection...imagine that :-) Somehow, at least for now, it's more fun to clean his room.

J is a crazy working man and worked all day and most of the night Sat. but snuck out with me all day Sunday to the city for some shopping, out to lunch and to the new Kevin Costner movie, Swing Vote.  We actually had a bit of a wait at the ghetto theater, where it was waaaay too hot in the waiting area, so we snuck in to see a 1/2 hour of Step Brothers which was hilarious!  After that it was a little tough to transition to Swing Vote, I think Jose would have rather watched 1/2 of step brothers, but the message of the movie overall is good. Which reminds me....I need to change our address on our voter registration!

The young actress in the movie is adorable and reminds me so much of my H.S. BFF...miss you.

Making it work when it all seems like it might fall apart...

My husband has to go to LA for work, there's no way around it and I could have this baby any day now. I'm terrified that I'll go into labor with him in So. Cal and that he won't be back in time or that I'll have to labor a long time without him. So....I'm packing my hospital bag and a few essentials and going with him. If CC chooses to come out and play, he'll be an L.A. baby....

To be continued

Our trip to LA was eventful :-) J is working is butt off trying to keep clients happy and quiet which can be impossible.  We were able to grab some couple time at the W and then some good food around LA but it could never compare to SF for me :-) 

The photo above is from the Getty museum which is absolutely beautiful.  I would definitely reccommend it and would have liked to spend more time there but CC started acting up.  We saw a great photog exhibit and a nice section on impressionists, including my fav, Monet, which is always exciting.

 No baby news during the trip although there have definitely been some wierd sensations that signal we're in a whole new stage now...I'll keep you posted.  The hospital bags are packed!

The Last Meal vs. The First Meal :-)

I love to eavesdrop on random conversations on topics including what people would choose for their hypothetical "last meal".  Lately the preggie boards are booming with what people will choose to drink as their "first drink" alcoholic of course, post baby.  I find myself day dreaming about the first meal...especially since I learned that the hospital starves you during labor.  I know...starves sounds dramatic.  They don't want you to puke or have any problems if they have to put you under in an emergency...therefore clear fluids only.

I could barely get myself out to walk  tonight but convinced myself to do laps around the farmer's market downtown.  It was there that I discovered VANILLA MOON BAKERY.  

How could I have not known about this place? It's a tiny little bakery that resembles a family owned "citizen cake" with a bazillion different delicious cupcakes...so many that I couldn't decide! I think post baby it should be an auto order of 2 doz mix!  My entree would be a toss up between Refuge's cheeseburger and Town's flank steak Mmmm.  To drink you ask?  My old standby, a malibu and coke...but there is that stigma about hard alcohol and breastfeeding.  I'd probably have to go with a glass of percico, a sparkling wine that Jose and I recently discovered...similar to a champagne but so much better!

Any Day Now...

I love that everyone (including complete strangers) likes to comment on how CC could make his arrival "any day now"....if I only had a dollar for every time I heard that one - CC's college fund would be nice and fat.

The general discomfort, emotional bouts, and crankiness have set in with 38 days to go.  Most of my friends are saying "it's about time", J I think is just proud I've made it this far.  I'm ready to reclaim my body and hormones or at least get that process started. Today is officially my 1st week at my new position - Domestic Affairs CEO.  (J likes to note that he is CIO :-) I don't know quite what to do with myself. My to do list is long and yet a nap always sounds like a good idea these days.

This week is again full of appointments including the car seat fitting inspection at LPCH, a *free* infant/child cpr class I found through my preggie fitness class and trying to nail down a time to meet our pediatrician who is pretty booked.  Friday we go back to the OB and will see if she will clear me to fly with J in his upcoming trip - as of last week CC is head down but no other progress indicators.  She likes to comment on what a big baby he is becoming which is getting annoying - I explained to her that most of my siblings and I were 8-9lbs (I was 9 lb 8 oz) to which  she just says - you don't want a 9lb baby, maybe he'll come a couple of weeks early. Sounds good to me :-)

7 weeks / 2 days to go

But who's counting? It seems as if summer is flying by with or without me and yet I'm anxious to hold my baby boy. J and I barely had time to breathe in June with all the events and (his) travel. I'm happy we're into July with a slower pace now. J and I spent the 4th putting together what we could in Charlie's room and setting up things like the diaper genie so it's less of a cluster when we first come home. Don't get me wrong - I expect a full cluster - just trying to prep a few things to make it easier on ourselves. I think a sign of strength in a marriage is whether or not you can effectively put together a bunch of stuff with picture instructions and a gazillion parts without having someone sleep on the couch afterwards :-) Normally I would find something else to do in another room but J and I did so well this time around and that makes me feel proud, that's right, I don't mind saying it!

On Sunday we ventured into the city to twin peaks and fort point (under the golden gate). Twin Peaks boasts almost panoramic views of SF and I HIGHLY reccommend it - never even heard about it before this weekend! Fort point was amazing and scary and beautiful - it brought a whole new perspective. In the park shop we stopped for lunch and Jose discovered several children's books that we decided CC MUST have. Not only am I anxious to meet this baby but I am soooo anxious for him to know his Daddy who I love more than anything in this world.